Hooked On Camera Phone-ix

Miscellaneous amusements from my crappy-ass camera phone:

  • Similar to my take on Cupcake Pebbles a couple months back, the colorfully named “Toxic Waste” (subtitle: “Hazardously Sour Candy”) is yet another non-food “food” that I will never allow the future juicy fruits of my supple loins to come within 50 yards of. I can just imagine our field trips to the local power plant circa 2020. I take my eyes off of them for a few seconds to observe some three-headed mole-beast making its way through a depleted uranium rod forest, only to find them moments later scarfing away at the contents of a rusted barrel of glowing atomic sludge. I suppose they might turn into ninja turtles, but more likely they’ll just get cancer.

  • The following is a jar of peanut butter. You buy it in the peanut butter aisle. The very first item on the ingredients list is “roasted peanuts.” However, just in case you missed it, a nice bold reminder helpfully points out that this product also “CONTAINS PEANUTS.” Ohhhhhhhhhh, it’s THAT kind of peanut butter, eh? Well none for me then, thanks!

  • I walked past the display below without paying much attention, only to hear a thin, watery voice start asking me about how many women I’d been with in my life. It went on to inquire about the color of my urine that morning and then demanded to know how I felt the day my dog was put to sleep. Looking in every direction, I finally spied the nosy culprit:

Hmph. A little too personal if you ask me.

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