[Editors note: The following screed is fractionally out of character in terms of both content and vocabulary when compared to the majority of posts you’ll find here on Write in the Kisser. Yet here I sit, about to press “Publish.” Why? you ask. Well, because I already wrote it, I guess. But why did you write it? you insist. Well, because I thought it, dammit. Anyway, apologies all around.]
Let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time, there was an intelligent, though insecure chick who wanted more than anything to be seen going out with the dumb, popular jock. To achieve her goal, she offered him a blowjob one day, assuming that once he saw how willing she was to please him, she would be his. However, despite praising her blowjob giving skills in private, he continued to ignore and/or insult her in front of his equally dumb, equally popular jock friends. Now for a pop quiz. In response to this slight, did our heroine
A) Pursue the rational course of action and spray paint the word “asshole” on his beater.
B) Offer him another blowjob?
The answer, of course, is C) Neither. Instead, she offered him many more blowjobs, while he continued to do what he always did — i.e., ignore and/or insult her in front of his friends while telling her what awesome blowjobs she gave in the broom closet.
The moral of the story? Stop sucking this bastard’s dick.
In case you missed it, the above tale is a parable, with the chick representing President Obama, the jocks standing in for republicans, and the blowjobs being, oh, say, tax cut capitulation. And healthcare reform. And life-saving environmental regulations. And reigning in Wall Street excess. And blowjob, blowjob, blowjob…
~Dedicated to Blogbytom.