Fifty Nifty United Snacks – Part One(derbread)

This next bit needs no introduction!

Instead, here’s some pertinent background information so you know what you’re getting yourself into. Once upon a time, I was eating graham crackers. As I was eating these graham crackers, I thought to myself, “Hey self, do you think that if we were eating these in Alabama, we’d call them Alagraham Crackers???” Then I laughed until I peed.

After I changed my pants, I again thought to myself, “Why self, wasn’t that delightful just now? Not the urine-soaked underwear, of course, but the raucous laughter leading up to it? Of course it was. In fact, it was so delightful that it’d be selfish of us to keep this and other similar thoughts to ourselves, so why don’t we treat our voracious readers to an entire list of punderful snacks based on the fifty nifty United States!”

So we did. Here is Part One of that list:

  1. Alagraham crackers
  2. Alaskrispies treats
  3. Arizonuts
  4. Arkansausage
  5. California Raisins (sorry)
  6. Colo-red vines
  7. Connecti-cupcakes
  8. Dela-warheads
  9. Floridelli chocolate squares
  10. Georjubes
  11. Hawaice cream
  12. Ida-hohos
  13. Vanillanois
  14. Indianimal Crackers
  15. Milky Ioways
  16. Kansarsaparilla
  17. Kenturkey jerky
  18. Louisianiseed
  19. Junior Maine’ts
  20. Mary-Lindt assorted truffles
  21. Massa-cheezits
  22. Michi-ginger snaps
  23. Minne-soda
  24. Mississip-pies
  25. Mis-sour Patch Kids

You can have your cake and secede it too.

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