The Prank Story

I have added a new page to the “Permanently Pertinent” section in my sidebar, which I have ingeniously titled “The Prank Story.” I have titled it this because it is a story about a prank. I briefly considered calling it “A Story about a Prank,” but, in the end, chose not to, because brevity is the soul of wit, and I am nothing if not very, very, extremely — some might say preponderously — witty, not to mention brief.

Speaking of brevity, I should note that this post is also being filed under the “Long Form Flobbityjoop” category, and for good reason: The attached story is more than 17,000 words — i.e. approximately 17 times longer than anything I’ve ever posted before. As such, the FDA recommends breaking up your consumption of this tale into discrete units of time, such as seconds, minutes, or days. Longer breaks — e.g., years, decades, or centuries — are explicitly not recommended because you will probably lose the thread of the narration and/or die.

To save you from having to move your mouse four inches to the right, the contents of the aforementioned page have been lovingly reproduced below. Read it now, thank me later.


Once upon a time, I was a high school student. Like many of my adolescent brethren, I began life as a freshman, then — approximately four years later, as it turned out — miraculously discovered that I was a senior. As we all know, one of the primary responsibilities of any self-respecting high school senior is to plan and execute the most bodacious senior prank in the history of history.

This we did.

This is our story.

What’s more, to save you the trouble of moving your mouse approximately four inches to the right, I have lovingly reproduced the contents of said page below.
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2 Responses to The Prank Story

  1. Where did you learn to write? I’ve read three posts, and they’re all extremely well written–including your dissertation on brevity (not my strong suit)– which means you either plagiarized them, or you’re a good writer, or you’re an incredibly lucky monkey with a computer. I may have to start following you.

    • hawaiianpun says:

      Some say I learned to write at the feet of the great Cheops. Others say, “That doesn’t make any sense,” or “What the hell are you talking about?” In any case, I’m definitely not a lucky monkey with a computer, since I do all my writing on an IBM Selectric.

      Seriously though (sorta), I’ve been writing creatively and of my own volition since the third grade, and if my company actually gave me business cards, they would have the word “writer” in the title, so between that and the unmitigated plagiarism, I’ve picked up a thing or two. Mostly restraining orders.

      Also, what do you mean you may have to start following me? Haven’t you already set up a shrine in your basement in my honor?

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