Hallowed Be Thy Ween

As I alluded to last week (and by “alluded to” I mean “specifically stated in no uncertain terms”), it’s that time again! Time for me to reach deep into the dessicated recesses of my toxically mold-laden cerebellum and rev up the ol’ tetanus-inducing Halloween pun factory. Last year’s inaugural batch was so popular that it became my most-viewed post of all time. With a little luck (and a lot of lube), this one should prove even more successful. Maybe I’ll even double my number of readers — from one to two! (Hear that dad? Mom and I are counting on you!)

So now without further a BOO, gravies and lima beans,  may I present to you…

Part 2***

Q: Why do zombies make excellent businessmen?
A: Because they never miss a deadline!

Q: What do Jack-o’-Lanterns use to keep their basements dry?
A: Sump pumpkins!

Q: What do you call a former werewolf?
A: A were wolf!

Q: Who educates young monsters?
A: The Teacher from the Black Lagoon!

Q: What’s a young monster’s favorite job search site?
A: CareerBuilder.com!

Q: How many monsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MONSTERS!!!

Q: What do you call the reanimated corpse of a famously monotone Jewish writer, actor, and gameshow host?
A: Frank-ben-stein!

Frank-ben-stein

Ghouler... Ghouler...

Q: Why don’t men who live in haunted houses need Viagra?
A: Because they’re already scared stiff!

Q: Why don’t skeletons need Viagra?
A: Because they’ve already got permanent boners!

Q: Why don’t ghosts need Viagra?
A: Umm, really? Why do you think they don’t need it? Because they’re dead, obviously. I mean, how the hell is a ghost going to have sex? You really need to stop and think before you ask these sorts of idiotic questions, okay?

Q: Why did the ghost get implants?
A: Because she wanted bigger BOOOOObs!

Q: What’s every corpse’s favorite Thanksgiving Day trimming?
A: Grave-y!

Q: What do the undead use to make towels?
A: Cemeterrycloth!

Q: What is every ghost’s favorite Foreigner song?
A: Spook Box Hero!

Q: What is every skeleton’s favorite George Thorogood song?
A: Bad to the Bone!

Q: What do skeletons in France say before a meal?
A: Bone appétit!

Q: What hip hop group do all young skeletons idolize?
A: Bone Thugs-n-Harmony!

Q: What hip hop group do all young monsters idolize?
A: Beastie Boys!

Q: What hip hop group do all young mummies idolize?
A: Black Eyed Peas! (Go figure.)

***

Three corpses walked into a bar. They got totally en-bombed.1

__________________
1. Ba-ZING!

***

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

This entry was posted in Short Form Flobbityjoop and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s