Night of the Living Re-Tread

Next week I intend to regale you all with a new batch of brilliant and original Halloween-themed jokes, puns, one-liners, and other assorted bits of verbal pornography. Until that time, please enjoy last year’s edition of:

Q: Why did the ghost go to AA?
A: Because he was addicted to BOOs!

Q: What do cokeheads carve for Halloween?
A: Crack-o-lanterns!

Q: How many zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN.

Q: Why was the werewolf arrested for indecent exposure?
A: Because he couldn’t resist the full moon!

Q: Why do banshees moan so loudly?
A: Because they’re always having really hot banshee-on-banshee sex!

Q: What did the vacuum say to the vampire?
A: “You suck!”
Q: What did the vampire say to the vacuum?
A: “Right back at ya!”

Q: Why are all skeletons nymphomaniacs?
A: Because they love to bone!

Q: What are the two most popular street gangs for young vampires?
A: The Bloods and the Crypts!

Q: Who are you supposed to notify when someone destroys your Jack-o-Lantern?
A: His next of pump-kin!

Q: Why did the zombie go to the zoo?
A: I WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN.

Q: What do call a pumpkin with nothing to do?
A: A bored gourd!

Q: What do you call a bunch of pumpkins with nothing to do?
A: A bored gourd horde!

Q: What do you call a bunch of melted pumpkins with nothing to do?
A: A poured bored gourd horde!

Q: What do you call a bunch of melted pumpkins with nothing to do in between two steep Norwegian cliffs?
A: A poured bored gourd horde fjord!

Q: What’s the difference between an umbrella and a zombie?
A: An umbrella will beat the rain and a zombie WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN.

Q: Why did the witch attach a window to her broomstick?
A: She wanted a broom with a view!

Q: Why do mummies make excellent Christmas presents?
A: Because they’re already wrapped!

Q: Why are there monsters under your bed?
A: BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT.

***

Three pumpkins walked into a bar. They got totally smashed.1

__________________
1. Ba-ZING!

***

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