Let’s Keep Things Civil(ian)

Boing!

From MSN.com: Order to protect Afghans frustrates U.S. troops.

You’re probably not going to read the entire article, so let’s jump right to the good stuff:

Each country in the more than 40-nation NATO-led coalition in Afghanistan has its own rules of engagement that apply to specific battle situations, but McChrystal’s order to protect civilians applies to all forces in the country.

“Sure, that’s frustrating, but we’ve got to deal with it,” said Capt. Zachary Martin, commander of Golf Company, 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marines.

Sorry commander, I know you’ve got one of the shittiest jobs in the world, but why the hell do you think you’re doing it? Could it be…to protect goddamn civilians??? It doesn’t matter if they’re light brown and wear funny shirts like me or dark brown and wear funny hats like them — we’re all still civilians, and keeping us out of harm’s way is ostensibly why you signed up for operation Sand Enema in the first place. Granted, I know I get frustrated when protecting other civilians interferes with my goals — for example, when I want to drive along the sidewalk to navigate around a traffic jam but there’s a bloody soccer mom pushing her damn kids in a stroller right in the way — but even without military training, I manage to exercise enough restraint to avoid this impulse.  Perhaps you and your troops could practice similar humanity.

More silliness:

Some 400 Marines and 100 Afghan troops moved into Dahaneh early Wednesday by helicopter and ground convoy. The troops took heavy fire from insurgents for most of the day, killing up to 10 militants after calling in an airstrike on an insurgent position.

But even that airstrike was carried out with great care.

An airstrike carried out with great care, you say? Geeze, what an annoyance! Why don’t we just fire all the missiles at the ground willy nilly and see what happens!

Meanwhile, Afghan President Hamid Karzai said he’s says ordering Afghan security forces to observe a cease-fire on election day. He also demanded Taliban fighters not carry out violence during the vote.

Karzai faces a field of around three dozen competitors for the presidency.

He also demanded Taliban fighters not carry out violence during the vote. Shit, if Karzai can do that, why doesn’t he just order them not carry out violence ever! There you go, problem solved! No need to thank me Afghanistan. I may have just ended thousands of years of internal strife and violence in one fell swoop, but I’m still the loveable huckster you’ve come to know and love…and then require a restraining order against.

(Incidentally, my uncle, Hedayat Amin-Arsala, is one of those three dozen competitors running for President of Afghanistan.

Seriously.

He’s [probably] not going to win, but he’s good people and he knows his stuff, so vote for him anyway.

Yeah, I’m talking to you my sizable Write-in-the-Kisser-reading Afghani population. Make me proud!)

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