MSN.com ran with this impossible-to-refrain-from-clicking-on headline this morning: Texting Teen Falls Down Manhole.
Apparently, 15-year-old Alexa Longueira “fell into an uncovered sewer manhole while trying to send a message.” She was ultimately okay, though she “suffered a fright and some scrapes on her arms back [sic] after she dropped into the hole on Victory Boulevard.”
Presumably, most people in this situation would be content to put this episode behind them as quickly as possible. After all, I imagine it’s mortifying enough to see your name in print alongside the fact that you fell into a giant hole in the ground while telling your best friend Suzy Saggybottom about the new purse you just bought.
But rather than letting their daughter return to her clearly default state of blissful ignorance,
The family said they will file a lawsuit — for what, though, is not immediately clear. Her mother, Kim Longueira, said it doesn’t matter that her daughter was walking and texting…
Right, because you read a lot of stories about people falling into open sewers while watching where they’re walking. Christ, you’d think the family would be happy that their kid didn’t end up as an honorable mention in The Darwin Awards, but in this litigious Shangri-La we call America, it would appear that any boneheaded behavior on the part of an individual automatically merits a heap-o’-cash from someone who is in no way responsible for the engaged-in idiocy.
Who the hell came up with the term “manhole cover”? Seems to me that these things are really “street hole covers,” since, you know, they cover holes in the street, and not holes in a man. When I think “manhole cover,” I think “butt plug”—as in, You know what would really spice up our dwindling sex life? A nice studded manhole cover!