Good news professional Dis Jockeys and wannabe Suburban Outfitters! I, Trevor Bartholomew Marzipan, have just come up with an entire collection of original “Yo Momma” jokes. Now, I grant you, most of these aren’t very good — but only because they’re great. So read on to see why the world of “Yo Momma” jokes is now a better place for yours truly having lived in it (however brief said residence may have been).
WARNING: Improper or untimely use of the “Yo Momma” joke has been known to cause nausea; dry mouth; diarrhea; constipation; an erection lasting 4-6 hours; dizziness; insomnia; narcolepsy; weight changes; anxiety/agitation; invisibility; plague; funny accents; ear hair; acne; backne; trick knee; head, shoulders, knees, AND toes; a case of the howling fantods; and Big Foot. Also, you might get punched in the nose, but that one’s not our fault.
- Yo momma’s ass is so big, she doesn’t have panty lines — she has panty equators!
- Yo momma’s teeth are so busted, during the month of October she works full-time as a Jack-o’-Lantern!
- Yo momma’s so ugly, when she goes to the fish market they wrap her up in newspaper!
- Yo momma’s so heinously unpleasant, when she took out a personal ad in the paper, it took it back!
- Yo momma’s breath is so bad, her teeth committed suicide!
- Yo momma’s so unfamiliar with ornithology, when your daddy told her he saw some titmice in the yard last week she began setting mousetraps in her bra!
- Yo momma’s voice is so grating she uses it to make nachos!
- Yo momma’s so ignorant of political terminology, every time she gives a stump speech, she cuts down a tree!
- Yo momma’s so stupid, she voted for George W. Bush! —Twice! —In this election!
- Yo momma’s so absurdly and improbably imperfect in every way, she was almost certainly the original inspiration for the “yo momma” joke!
BONUS THANKSGIVING “YO MOMMA” JOKE
- Yo momma’s such a slut, she doesn’t stuff the turkey on Thanksgiving — the turkey stuffs her!
Got an original “Yo Momma” joke of your own? Feel free to share it in the comments section. If it’s any good, I may just post it here for all the world to see! Or I may just feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and self-loathing. Either way, you’re bound to feel better about yourself at someone else’s expense!