I went to a Bank of America in Danbury, CT the other day to deposit some bonds (side note: Did you know ten year bonds are worth way more than face value when you wait 24 years to cash them?), and while I was there I saw an incredibly odd sight1: past the tellers’ counter at the edge of the lobby were a few mid-sized wooden desks, each covered in all the normal detritus one typically associates with mid-sized wooden desks (papers, pens, coffee mugs, computers, broken 8-track players, rabid voles, etc.) However, surrounding each of these desks was — are you ready for this? — a clear cubicle.
Can anybody anywhere possibly explain to me the purpose of placing a desk inside a five foot tall, three-walled transparent cubby? Isn’t the whole purpose of a cubicle to provide at least the illusion of privacy? This seems more like a bank exec with a perverse sense of humor who has been messing with his employees.
“Well, here you are Earl, your very own desk — complete with cubicle, I might add!”
“Oh, wow. Okay, great… Umm, just one question though, Mr. Pandabelt, sir: You know this cubicle’s see-through, right?”
“That it is Earl. That it is! Top of the line, too! Very difficult to remove the opacity, you know.”
“Yes, I’m sure, but… why? What I mean is, what’s the point of putting three clear walls around something? I don’t mean to sound impertinent, but isn’t that sort of an incredible waste of money?”
“Ha ha ha, Earl, you kidder! I can already tell we’re going to get along splendidly here! Now settle down behind that desk and get to it. And try not to breathe too heavily, okay? You might fog your cubicle up, and that would really defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it!”
“But a clear cubicle already defeats–”
“That’s the spirit son! Huzzah!”
If this is how Bank of America is investing my hard-earned 11 dollars, I think it’s time I found a new savings and loan provider. Word on the street is that People’s is a pretty sensible choice, especially since the recent debut of their new “flat Braille” ATM touch screen technology.
1. Perhaps it’s redundant to say that I “saw a sight,” but it’s also redundant to be reading this weg while having mind-blowing sex, so there you go.