Or better yet, don’t.
A new study by the University of Sheffield in South Yorkshire, England has confirmed what everybody under the age of 30 already knew — kids hate clowns. In fact, of the 250 children between the ages of 4 and 16 that were polled in the study, 100% said that they did not like clowns, with many even going so far as to rate them as legitimately scary.
Granted, on a global scale, 250 individuals is — regardless of topic — an extremely small statistical sampling. However, the fact that not a single kid claimed anything less than an active dislike of clowns is fairly astounding. As a point of comparison, it is a very safe bet that the number of people with whom I am at least “somewhat well acquainted” is much smaller than the number of people polled, and yet I can identify at least a half-dozen of these acquaintances as having an avid fetish for clown culture.1
Of course, there is one other consideration here: every one of the children contributing an opinion in the above study was a current patient in a local hospital. So maybe they’re all brain damaged or something. They’d pretty much have to be because, let’s face it, clowns are awesome. Especially naked ones.
1. All of them women, come to think of it. Must be the over-sized shoes.