With a large portion of my corporeal existence and an increasing portion of my digital existence concerned with that time honored tradition of creative immolation (i.e., gainful employment), I figured it was time to create a new content category wholly devoted to the various instances of inanity and three-stoogery that tend to take place in the vicinity of my cubicle1 on a fairly regular basis.
Said content category will be cleverly labeled “Office Spice” and will be easily identified by the following, equally clever graphic:
Of course, as a highly-informed and handsome social commentator, I am well aware that, between Dilbert and The Office, witty musings on life “inside the box” is pretty much a cornered market. However, I have one thing that Scott Adams2 and Greg Daniels3 don’t have: no audience. As such, I can feel free to articulate numerous work-related peccadilloes in new and exciting ways that would be entirely verboten in nationally syndicated comic strips and on prime time television. (Transaltion: I can cuss and tell poop jokes ad nauseum.)
Make no mistake, I do not intend to let said corporate commentary subvert my original goal of providing my (entirely fictional) readers with semi-regular posts in the “creative writing” genre, but I also do not intend to not let that happen. So advertisers, if you’re out there, let me be clear about something: If you pay me, I will write about whatever you want me to. Because I am a whore. And whores need money to buy makeup and shit.
1. Actually a tetrahedricle.
2. Dilbert creator.
3. Executive producer of The Office.