Ask a Wegger (not to be confused with “Ask a Wigger”)

Despite breathing the rarefied air of the so-called “weg-o-sphere,” I’m still a pretty down-to-earth kind of guy. As such, I like to take the time every now and again to reconnect with my faithful readers by personally responding to one of their questions.  These questions aren’t pre-screened for cleanliness or relevancy, or focus-grouped for maximum product placement either — they are legitimate queries from regular folks just like you and I (though, realistically, probably less handsome and well-spoken than I), and therefore equally deserving1 of our attention.

Thoughtful guy

This week’s question comes from Darah Samerville2 of Fake City, New Hampshire. In reference to my recent “No Melons No Lemon – But Especially NO FRIGGIN’ LEMON!” Beef Brief, Sarah – uh, I mean Darah – writes: “did you make that little flow chart yourself? because its HILARIOUS!”

Thanks for the question Darah.  It’s so refreshing to see how carefully our young people proofread their public correspondence these days. The answer, of course, is yuh-huh. With so much free time on my hands (in addition to other unmentionable substances), I take great pleasure in concocting elaborately silly graphics to accompany my even elaborater and sillier rants and essays, thus thoughtfully providing my more, err, “visually inclined”3 readers with something to look at other than meaningless rows of scary words.

Note, however, that as someone who is probably at least partially Irish, I take issue with your comment that my flow chart is “little.” As I have stated time and again in my personal appearances at bible study camps across Kansas, it’s not the size of the graphic that matters, Darah; it’s how you manipulate it to make someone else look foolish.

And there you have it.  An honest answer in a dissembling sea of frothy deceit.  So keep those comments coming kids! Oh, and don’t forget: though pleasurable on its own, graphic manipulation is best enjoyed with a partner. (Just make sure to turn on your virus protection first; there are enough broken images in the world wide web as it is.)
____________________
1. Not really.
2. Name changed to protect the dim-witted.
3. See above.

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